JT,
I love you so much! I have wanted so much more for you than what you are doing now. I understand your childhood was not the greatest with everything that went on... and I can't imagine how it felt to live with mommy and watch her slowly die. I know you're hurting and I know you want help... you just have to drop your stupid pride and do what you know you need to do. It really hurts me that you have not trusted in me and in yourself enough to take me and Darrell up on our offer to help you. I know you had a shitty childhood and I can't even imagine what it must have been like to watch mommy die and I feel guilty for not being there when you needed me the most. I have always been the one constant you could count on and I let you down... it hurts me that you don't do better for yourself...that you don't love yourself enough to do better. It's not too late to change the direction of your life. You can still do it... make me proud, make mommy proud from heaven, most importantly, make yourself proud!! Show your father you are more than what he is and has been... don't let him hold you down... I think it hurts me so much because I look at you as more than a brother to me.. I have a motherly instinct that kicks in when it comes to you, I'm assuming because of how much I took care of you when you were younger up until I left New Jersey... You and Jackie are all I have left of our "family"... mommy is gone... Grandma and Aunt Sharon are here too but they aren't my siblings... I want so much more for you... Jackie is in a good place and getting the love and care she needs and deserves so I'm not worried about her, but you... you are screwing up so bad and it's killing me... I will always be here to help... I love you...
Love,
Sissy
Velllllveeta cheese galore!
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