While browsing Twitter a few months ago with the hashtag "wife", I came across a Twitter user who promotes wives and marriage. Her tweets were encouraging and uplifting to me, especially during difficult moments I had.
From WifedUp.Com -
"Wifed Up is a pro marriage women’s knitwear brand founded in 2010. With
a mix of soft fabrics, unique designs, poetry and lots of love, Wifed
Up offers a fashionable voice for well deserving wives.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Friday, December 21, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
How To Get a Man to do What you Want - Mark Gungor
This session was good too! Mark Gungor talks about how to get men to do what we want and of course adds some humor to it.
Do you ever have to ask your husband to do something more than once? I know I do, although I don't ask him to do much. And, do you hate having to ask more than once? Again, I do.. and why do I hate it? I'll say what most of you are probably thinking after reading that question ----- Because I shouldn't have to ask more than once!!! Right?
Do you ever have to ask your husband to do something more than once? I know I do, although I don't ask him to do much. And, do you hate having to ask more than once? Again, I do.. and why do I hate it? I'll say what most of you are probably thinking after reading that question ----- Because I shouldn't have to ask more than once!!! Right?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
"A Tale of Two Brains" - Our 1st and 2nd Session
At the marriage retreat, we watched a video by Mark Gungor - "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage". He made excellent points while using humor.
Our first and second sessions were on how men and women think differently. He says, "Men's brains are specialized. Compartmentalized." He says that men have "boxes" and the "boxes" never touch..meaning he focus's on one thing at time. He also goes on to say that men have a special "box" in their head that most women don't know about... the "Nothing Box". He says, "When a man is not driven by a specific task, something he can fight for or dominate, he will drift. A man will drift to the comfort and solitude of his "nothing box" every chance he gets.
Our first and second sessions were on how men and women think differently. He says, "Men's brains are specialized. Compartmentalized." He says that men have "boxes" and the "boxes" never touch..meaning he focus's on one thing at time. He also goes on to say that men have a special "box" in their head that most women don't know about... the "Nothing Box". He says, "When a man is not driven by a specific task, something he can fight for or dominate, he will drift. A man will drift to the comfort and solitude of his "nothing box" every chance he gets.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Our 1st Strong Bonds Marriage Retreat!
This past weekend we went on our first marriage retreat and I have to say I enjoyed myself sooooo much! The retreat was in Orlando, Fl at the Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort/Hotel. This place was amazing! It was so beautiful and there was so much to do that I didn't want to leave. As a matter of fact, Alexis asked if we could live there lol...
The "theme" of the retreat was "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", a seminar/book by Mark Gungor. I took notes because I wanted to make some posts on some of the things we were told, but at the end of the weekend we got the book, so now the blog posts I do on some of the topics discussed will be a bit more in depth..yay! I know some won't like what is said, but it is hard to hear the truth, right?
The "theme" of the retreat was "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", a seminar/book by Mark Gungor. I took notes because I wanted to make some posts on some of the things we were told, but at the end of the weekend we got the book, so now the blog posts I do on some of the topics discussed will be a bit more in depth..yay! I know some won't like what is said, but it is hard to hear the truth, right?
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Inquiring Minds Want To Know (small rant)
Today I saw two things that just kind of boggled me. One was in a group on Facebook and the other was on my Facebook page - *Army Wives Do It With Hooah*
The first thing I saw, that was in the group, was a woman posted a picture that had a little rhyme that said something like "twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they're not a door". Well someone commented on it saying this girl was a hypocrite b/c she supposedly said she had previously cheated on her husband (as revenge for him cheating on her).
The first thing I saw, that was in the group, was a woman posted a picture that had a little rhyme that said something like "twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they're not a door". Well someone commented on it saying this girl was a hypocrite b/c she supposedly said she had previously cheated on her husband (as revenge for him cheating on her).
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
My Life is Soooo Perfect!!
Yeah, not really - lol. I was told that I "act" like my life is "perfect". Really? I think I missed that memo! You see, my life isn't perfect, far from it, and I know that. The difference between me and some others is that I don't blast all my problems for the world to see, whether it be on Facebook, Twitter or Formspring, or just random people I meet.
Do I have problems in my personal life? YES! Everyone does at some point or another. That's a give in.
Do I have problems in my personal life? YES! Everyone does at some point or another. That's a give in.
Friday, July 20, 2012
How To Make Women Happy - The Point System
Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
Saturday, June 30, 2012
One Decade Down - several more to go!
Yesterday was our 10yr Wedding Anniversary. With my husbands work schedule we haven't had much time together and he left it up to me as to what I wanted to do. I didn't choose anything that would make you go "WOW".. lol... I chose it to be with my family, spending much needed time together. The hubs and I did a movie together and then we took the kids bowling. Went home and vegged out watching movies, snacking and having a few drinks. It was exactly what I needed.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Worse than fighting...
What's worse than fighting? Silence...
When you fight, it's because you love and still have hope...
Hope that the fight in you will keep the love alive...
The heart wants what it wants...love...
but when the mind overcomes the heart, silence creeps in...
You may speak and be cold,
or keep it polite, but the fight? It's gone...
When you've lost hope and the fighting stops,
when the silence is there and your heart is numb,
it's time to realize hope is gone...
Silence is worse than fighting...
My voice is going dim...
When you fight, it's because you love and still have hope...
Hope that the fight in you will keep the love alive...
The heart wants what it wants...love...
but when the mind overcomes the heart, silence creeps in...
You may speak and be cold,
or keep it polite, but the fight? It's gone...
When you've lost hope and the fighting stops,
when the silence is there and your heart is numb,
it's time to realize hope is gone...
Silence is worse than fighting...
My voice is going dim...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Happy Anniversary to me ♥
I'm wondering if it is because of this lifestyle, or if it is just because I'm being a humbug, but my anniversary isn't a big deal to me these past few years... With the way the hubs works, sometimes he is here, sometimes he isn't... I've learned not to expect something grand on our day. I'm just glad we made it another year, lol.
Today we have been married for 9yrs and in October we will have been together for a total of 15yrs...that's just about our lives. I remember him in high school when he was the jock who would do things to get my attention and I would play games and be evasive...you know how teens are, lol. Sometimes I felt smothered... oh what I'd give to feel smothered again.
Our wedding was in my MIL's back yard on a newly built porch, decorated with light yellow and other pretty touches... My wedding song, "Ribbon in the Sky" played softly in the back ground on an old time record player. For some it may not seem like much, but we got married in a hurry and it was great for me. =)
"Ribbon In The Sky"
Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
To share with me this special day
Where a ribbon's in the sky for our love
If allowed may I touch your hand
And if pleased may I once again
So that you too will understand
There's a ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...Do...
Do Do Do Do Do...
HMM HMM...
This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance
But what is that was always meant
Is our ribbon in the sky for our love, love
We can't lose with God on our side
We'll find strength in each tear we cry
From now on it will be you and I
And our ribbon in the sky
Ribbon in the sky
A ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...Do...
Do Do Do Do Do...
HMM HMM...
[Musical Break]
There's a ribbon in the sky for our love
Today we have been married for 9yrs and in October we will have been together for a total of 15yrs...that's just about our lives. I remember him in high school when he was the jock who would do things to get my attention and I would play games and be evasive...you know how teens are, lol. Sometimes I felt smothered... oh what I'd give to feel smothered again.
Our wedding was in my MIL's back yard on a newly built porch, decorated with light yellow and other pretty touches... My wedding song, "Ribbon in the Sky" played softly in the back ground on an old time record player. For some it may not seem like much, but we got married in a hurry and it was great for me. =)
Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
To share with me this special day
Where a ribbon's in the sky for our love
If allowed may I touch your hand
And if pleased may I once again
So that you too will understand
There's a ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...Do...
Do Do Do Do Do...
HMM HMM...
This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance
But what is that was always meant
Is our ribbon in the sky for our love, love
We can't lose with God on our side
We'll find strength in each tear we cry
From now on it will be you and I
And our ribbon in the sky
Ribbon in the sky
A ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...Do...
Do Do Do Do Do...
HMM HMM...
[Musical Break]
There's a ribbon in the sky for our love
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Why do we have to be SuperWomen?
This isn't just about military wives...it's about women in general, married or not... Some of this may apply to you, or not... but here is my little 2cents:
Do you ever notice that as women we are suppose to have these superpowers that make us do everything under the sun and be all chipper about it? Why is that?!
For example, I know a wonderful woman who has kids and goes to school. Her husband works. This woman does EVERYTHING!!! She takes care of the kids, cooks the meals, cleans the house, goes to all of the kids appts for doctors & school, runs errands, does the grocery shopping and goes to school. Her husband? Oh he works and brings in the money, that's it. Now, I'm not saying it is horrible of him to not help with things, but is it too much to ask of him to show a little appreciation? Is it too much to ask to not bitch if there are a few dishes in the sink or if the kids are a few minutes late getting to bed? A simple "Hey babe, can I get you a glass of iced tea while you work on your homework?" would probably make this woman's day!!
Why do some men think that just because they bring home the pay that it gives them the right to act like King? Now, if he is treating his wife like a Queen, okay, he can be the King... but don't expect to get treated like a King when you treat your woman like a Peasant!!!
Me, I don't mind doing all the work and for some strange reason, my husband has been helping out with a few things, lol. However, he has his pigheaded moments ((and I love him still)).
I guess this just came from seeing so many women lately be upset at how they are being treated, or not treated, by the men they love. I don't doubt that these men love them, but I do think they have some issues on letting go of the "I am man, hear me roar" syndrome. Guys, if you're reading, it's okay to show your feelings sometimes!!! =)
Oh, and don't you know we're suppose to do it all with a smile and be happy-go-lucky all day? Now, while I try not to complain too much, and I try to be as happy as possible, there are some days that I am just wore out and don't feel like greeting you with a smile at the door!!! Seriously...lol
So, for all the women, married or not, you may not be SuperWoman, but I think you're super for all you do. I appreciate everything you do because I know what it's like to do it all!!! Much love =)
Do you ever notice that as women we are suppose to have these superpowers that make us do everything under the sun and be all chipper about it? Why is that?!
For example, I know a wonderful woman who has kids and goes to school. Her husband works. This woman does EVERYTHING!!! She takes care of the kids, cooks the meals, cleans the house, goes to all of the kids appts for doctors & school, runs errands, does the grocery shopping and goes to school. Her husband? Oh he works and brings in the money, that's it. Now, I'm not saying it is horrible of him to not help with things, but is it too much to ask of him to show a little appreciation? Is it too much to ask to not bitch if there are a few dishes in the sink or if the kids are a few minutes late getting to bed? A simple "Hey babe, can I get you a glass of iced tea while you work on your homework?" would probably make this woman's day!!
Why do some men think that just because they bring home the pay that it gives them the right to act like King? Now, if he is treating his wife like a Queen, okay, he can be the King... but don't expect to get treated like a King when you treat your woman like a Peasant!!!
Me, I don't mind doing all the work and for some strange reason, my husband has been helping out with a few things, lol. However, he has his pigheaded moments ((and I love him still)).
I guess this just came from seeing so many women lately be upset at how they are being treated, or not treated, by the men they love. I don't doubt that these men love them, but I do think they have some issues on letting go of the "I am man, hear me roar" syndrome. Guys, if you're reading, it's okay to show your feelings sometimes!!! =)
Oh, and don't you know we're suppose to do it all with a smile and be happy-go-lucky all day? Now, while I try not to complain too much, and I try to be as happy as possible, there are some days that I am just wore out and don't feel like greeting you with a smile at the door!!! Seriously...lol
So, for all the women, married or not, you may not be SuperWoman, but I think you're super for all you do. I appreciate everything you do because I know what it's like to do it all!!! Much love =)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Top 10 Secrets for GREAT Sex!
I'm always reading books b/c I am always going to the library!! The book I'm reading now is by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer & Pierre A. Lehu - "Top 10 Secrets for Great Sex". So, I thought I would share some of the "secrets" =)
Secret#1 - Make Sex a Priority
"If 2 people can't get in synch spontaneously, then they must schedule time and circumstance for sex."
"If finding the time and privacy to have sex is a problem at home, you need to make some changes so that your love life has a place in which to be nurtured."
"To maintain and increase your level of intimacy with your partner, make sure that you keep your sex life in good shape."
"Pay attention to how you appear in front of your partner."
Secret#2 - Know Thyself
"In order to have the best possible sex, you have to understand your own sexual functioning."
"Make sure that you learn as much about your sexual functioning as possible so that you can avoid difficulties caused entirely by sexual illiteracy."
"If you need help from a professional concerning a sexual problem, get it."
Secret#3 - Know Your Partner
"Be open to new ideas"
-have discussions with your partner concerning: initiating, pleasure, erotica, fantasies, positions...
"Begin conversations about your sex life with realistic expectations."
Secret#4 - Know Your Kama "Ruthra" ((Kama Sutra))
"Make use of new positions to stimulate your brain and heart."
"Let your partner know how to give you the most pleasure."
"Tell your partner how you're feeling by either using words or noises."
"If you want your relationship to last, remain monogamous."
Secret#5 - Kick Boredom out of Your Bedroom by Kicking it out of Your Life
"Make your life more interesting."
Secret#6 - Remember the Romance
"Don't allow the romance of your relationship to diminish as your years together add up."
"Pay attention to the atmosphere when trying to create a romantic setting."
"Plan on taking time away from home to increase the romance in your relationship."
Secret#7 - Afterplay is as Important as Foreplay
"Don't forget to remain consciously together for a few moments after orgasm."
Secret#8 - Improve Communication
"Work at remaining connected through good communication."
"Learn to read your partners moods."
"Don't use just words to communicate, but also show signs of affection physically."
Secret#9 - Prepare for the Changes that Lie Ahead
Secret#10 - Mastering Masturbation
**there is so much in this book that I just gave an overview of the sections lol... be sure to look it up in your library and read it!! Very good read!
Secret#1 - Make Sex a Priority
"If 2 people can't get in synch spontaneously, then they must schedule time and circumstance for sex."
"If finding the time and privacy to have sex is a problem at home, you need to make some changes so that your love life has a place in which to be nurtured."
"To maintain and increase your level of intimacy with your partner, make sure that you keep your sex life in good shape."
"Pay attention to how you appear in front of your partner."
Secret#2 - Know Thyself
"In order to have the best possible sex, you have to understand your own sexual functioning."
"Make sure that you learn as much about your sexual functioning as possible so that you can avoid difficulties caused entirely by sexual illiteracy."
"If you need help from a professional concerning a sexual problem, get it."
Secret#3 - Know Your Partner
"Be open to new ideas"
-have discussions with your partner concerning: initiating, pleasure, erotica, fantasies, positions...
"Begin conversations about your sex life with realistic expectations."
Secret#4 - Know Your Kama "Ruthra" ((Kama Sutra))
"Make use of new positions to stimulate your brain and heart."
"Let your partner know how to give you the most pleasure."
"Tell your partner how you're feeling by either using words or noises."
"If you want your relationship to last, remain monogamous."
Secret#5 - Kick Boredom out of Your Bedroom by Kicking it out of Your Life
"Make your life more interesting."
Secret#6 - Remember the Romance
"Don't allow the romance of your relationship to diminish as your years together add up."
"Pay attention to the atmosphere when trying to create a romantic setting."
"Plan on taking time away from home to increase the romance in your relationship."
Secret#7 - Afterplay is as Important as Foreplay
"Don't forget to remain consciously together for a few moments after orgasm."
Secret#8 - Improve Communication
"Work at remaining connected through good communication."
"Learn to read your partners moods."
"Don't use just words to communicate, but also show signs of affection physically."
Secret#9 - Prepare for the Changes that Lie Ahead
Secret#10 - Mastering Masturbation
**there is so much in this book that I just gave an overview of the sections lol... be sure to look it up in your library and read it!! Very good read!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Stay or go?
Women in that position... stay or go?
Stay for the sake of the kids? Stay for the sake of love that you HOPE is still there? Stay because you're scared to leave since he is all you know? Stay because you believe in the deepest parts of your soul that it will all work out in the end?
Go for the sake of your sanity? Go for the sake of the kids? Go because just maybe that belief in the deepest parts of your souls is wrong, that it won't work out?
How do you decide? Do you wait until you've had enough? Until you've reached your breaking point? What is your breaking point? When is it enough?
Cheating, lies, head games... what more can you can take? How much more can you handle before you snap? What's that? Do it back you say? Show him what it's like to be on the receiving end? At what price? What will that cost your soul, your integrity, your morals and self-worth?
In the end, he's the one who has to live with how he is... and what a person to live with.
Stay for the sake of the kids? Stay for the sake of love that you HOPE is still there? Stay because you're scared to leave since he is all you know? Stay because you believe in the deepest parts of your soul that it will all work out in the end?
Go for the sake of your sanity? Go for the sake of the kids? Go because just maybe that belief in the deepest parts of your souls is wrong, that it won't work out?
How do you decide? Do you wait until you've had enough? Until you've reached your breaking point? What is your breaking point? When is it enough?
Cheating, lies, head games... what more can you can take? How much more can you handle before you snap? What's that? Do it back you say? Show him what it's like to be on the receiving end? At what price? What will that cost your soul, your integrity, your morals and self-worth?
In the end, he's the one who has to live with how he is... and what a person to live with.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Military Marriage vs. Non-military Marriage
This question was asked on a facebook page:
"Do you think military marriages and relationships are different from civilians marriages and relationships if so why or why not."
Some of the answers:
Deployments are the biggest difference and also the hardest. I do think there's more pride as a military wife than a civilian one.
Military relationship I think are much stronger than most marriage. Yes we all deal with same thing but military has deployments which to me either makes or breaks a marriage. Military is gone a lot a lot of long hours. Military spouse put up with some much raising kids on our own. House bills jobs school all our own most of the time.
I do think there is a difference. We have to have amazing trust in each other. There is so much time that we have to be apart, that you really have to trust in your spouse. We do deal with similar issues that civilian marriages do, but it is not uncommon to do it long distance.
I think it takes a stronger woman to be with a solider, and a stronger man to be in a relationship while he's deployed. a relationship isn't on hold during deployment, and i definately respect any man who can put effort into a relationship while being deployed.
I totally think there is a difference in the loyalty and trust. Some on my civi friends say girl idk how you go so long with out sex... or how you can be alone so long... or How can you be a part time single mom? That tells me that they couldnt do it. But it could be also that they havent found someone that they love that much and wait for them.
******************************************************
So, I am gonna touch on some of this...
1. "more pride as a military wife than a civilian one".... who is to say a military wife has more pride than a civilian wife? can the wife of a police officer not be as proud of her husband as the wife of a soldier? can the wife of a trash man not be as proud of her husband as the wife of a soldier? the job isn't what counts... a woman will be proud of her man as long as he doing what he needs to do and providing for his family...the job is of no concern...and don't give me the "they are fighting for our country" crap either...while this is true in MOST cases, there are some soldiers who do some really shitty things....
2. "military relationships are much stronger/Military spouse put up with some much raising kids on our own. House bills jobs school all our own most of the time.".... really? last time I checked there are women all over who take care of kids and bills and the home all alone with no spouse there... in fact, I think some of them have it harder than a military spouse b/c they don't even have the support of a man, financial or otherwise....and how are military relationships stronger? please, do tell... circumstances and the people involved are what make a relationship, any relationship, strong or weak... I know a few military relationships that are shit... being military has nothing to do with how strong your marriage is...
3. " We have to have amazing trust in each other/I totally think there is a difference in the loyalty and trust".... so non-military marriages don't need trust and loyalty? I must have missed that memo...I thought ALL marriages needed trust and loyalty...silly me, it's only military ones that do... uh huh...
4. "I think it takes a stronger woman to be with a solider, and a stronger man to be in a relationship while he's deployed."..... so, women who aren't with soldiers are weak? or just b/c some women may realize this lifestyle isn't for them, they are weak? no... admitting this lifestyle isn't for you and choosing walk away instead of living a lie is strong...being honest with yourself instead of faking the funk is anything but weak... and it takes a strong man to be in a relationship while deployed? no... it takes a strong man to keep his marriage together and to work on it daily REGARDLESS of whether he is deployed or not... deployment has nothing to do with it...
***********************************************************************
So, for some reason, this really irked me...which is why I wrote here instead of going off in the post. It came across to me that some women think they are better b/c they are married to a soldier...that their marriage is stronger and full of more trust b/c they are married to a soldier... that they are strong women b/c they are married to a soldier... how about being strong and better than others b/c of what you have done and accomplished, or b/c of the kind of person you are...not just b/c you're married to a soldier...
/rant
"Do you think military marriages and relationships are different from civilians marriages and relationships if so why or why not."
Some of the answers:
Deployments are the biggest difference and also the hardest. I do think there's more pride as a military wife than a civilian one.
Military relationship I think are much stronger than most marriage. Yes we all deal with same thing but military has deployments which to me either makes or breaks a marriage. Military is gone a lot a lot of long hours. Military spouse put up with some much raising kids on our own. House bills jobs school all our own most of the time.
I do think there is a difference. We have to have amazing trust in each other. There is so much time that we have to be apart, that you really have to trust in your spouse. We do deal with similar issues that civilian marriages do, but it is not uncommon to do it long distance.
I think it takes a stronger woman to be with a solider, and a stronger man to be in a relationship while he's deployed. a relationship isn't on hold during deployment, and i definately respect any man who can put effort into a relationship while being deployed.
I totally think there is a difference in the loyalty and trust. Some on my civi friends say girl idk how you go so long with out sex... or how you can be alone so long... or How can you be a part time single mom? That tells me that they couldnt do it. But it could be also that they havent found someone that they love that much and wait for them.
******************************************************
So, I am gonna touch on some of this...
1. "more pride as a military wife than a civilian one".... who is to say a military wife has more pride than a civilian wife? can the wife of a police officer not be as proud of her husband as the wife of a soldier? can the wife of a trash man not be as proud of her husband as the wife of a soldier? the job isn't what counts... a woman will be proud of her man as long as he doing what he needs to do and providing for his family...the job is of no concern...and don't give me the "they are fighting for our country" crap either...while this is true in MOST cases, there are some soldiers who do some really shitty things....
2. "military relationships are much stronger/Military spouse put up with some much raising kids on our own. House bills jobs school all our own most of the time.".... really? last time I checked there are women all over who take care of kids and bills and the home all alone with no spouse there... in fact, I think some of them have it harder than a military spouse b/c they don't even have the support of a man, financial or otherwise....and how are military relationships stronger? please, do tell... circumstances and the people involved are what make a relationship, any relationship, strong or weak... I know a few military relationships that are shit... being military has nothing to do with how strong your marriage is...
3. " We have to have amazing trust in each other/I totally think there is a difference in the loyalty and trust".... so non-military marriages don't need trust and loyalty? I must have missed that memo...I thought ALL marriages needed trust and loyalty...silly me, it's only military ones that do... uh huh...
4. "I think it takes a stronger woman to be with a solider, and a stronger man to be in a relationship while he's deployed."..... so, women who aren't with soldiers are weak? or just b/c some women may realize this lifestyle isn't for them, they are weak? no... admitting this lifestyle isn't for you and choosing walk away instead of living a lie is strong...being honest with yourself instead of faking the funk is anything but weak... and it takes a strong man to be in a relationship while deployed? no... it takes a strong man to keep his marriage together and to work on it daily REGARDLESS of whether he is deployed or not... deployment has nothing to do with it...
***********************************************************************
So, for some reason, this really irked me...which is why I wrote here instead of going off in the post. It came across to me that some women think they are better b/c they are married to a soldier...that their marriage is stronger and full of more trust b/c they are married to a soldier... that they are strong women b/c they are married to a soldier... how about being strong and better than others b/c of what you have done and accomplished, or b/c of the kind of person you are...not just b/c you're married to a soldier...
/rant
Friday, June 11, 2010
Military Marriage ~ keeping it strong
We all know deployments are stressful and sometimes they can make or break a marriage.
I've been reading about tips from books and online about ways to help keep the military marriage strong through deployments, separations, and relocations.
The first thing I want to stress is that if you are having problems with coping during deployment don't be afraid to seek help from the many services available to you. If you aren't coping well while your spouse is deployed, they will know and it can effect your marriage. You can easily find out what services are available where you are by contacting your ACS office, the post chaplin, or even your FRG may be able to point you in the right direction. Military OneSource is a great place to get information too!
One thing I have noticed from experience and reading is that as army wives, we need to have our own identity. Separate from our spouse. This goes with any marriage really, but I think it is even more important in the military. I have seen wives completely fall apart when their spouse deploys because they focus everything around him. We need to have our own hobbies and friends. Our lives can not revolve around our spouse.
We need to be independent. That independence will get us through everything! Your spouse needs to know you can handle things on your own because when they leave, you will be doing it on your own. We take care of the bills, the house, the kids, go to school, work...etc. The list goes on. Basically, when your spouse deploys or goes on an unaccompanied tour, or off for training, you are on your own.
Communication is extremely important!! When your spouse is gone you may not get to talk to them on the phone much, but you can still send letters or emails. Even cute cards count. Now-a-days, many couples use yahoo, skype, msn or another instant messaging service. You've got to stay connected. Send care packages and pictures of yourself and the kids (if you have kids). Send a small teddy bear or a shirt in a zip-lock bag with your perfume on it. Little reminders of home help alot. If you are comfortable with it, you can also send "naughty" pictures as a pleasant surprise for your spouse. We must keep in mind that lack of communication does not mean there is a lack of love. Sometimes our spouses can't call us or get on IM. There could be many reasons why, but keep it coming from your end!
As with all marriages, there must be compromise and trust. I think that is pretty self-explanitory.
Faithfulness should be mentioned too. I'm not just talking about cheating physically. From what I have been reading lately, it seems that emotional affairs can be just as bad or even worse than physical cheating. Be careful of your friends of the opposite sex who are "just friends". It is easy to get caught up emotionally on both sides when you're separated from your spouse for long periods of time. An emotional affair is when you depend on someone else more than your partner. Here's some info on emotional affairs : Emotional Affairs 101.
There is more but I've run out of time for now. =)
Helpful books? =)
I've been reading about tips from books and online about ways to help keep the military marriage strong through deployments, separations, and relocations.
The first thing I want to stress is that if you are having problems with coping during deployment don't be afraid to seek help from the many services available to you. If you aren't coping well while your spouse is deployed, they will know and it can effect your marriage. You can easily find out what services are available where you are by contacting your ACS office, the post chaplin, or even your FRG may be able to point you in the right direction. Military OneSource is a great place to get information too!
One thing I have noticed from experience and reading is that as army wives, we need to have our own identity. Separate from our spouse. This goes with any marriage really, but I think it is even more important in the military. I have seen wives completely fall apart when their spouse deploys because they focus everything around him. We need to have our own hobbies and friends. Our lives can not revolve around our spouse.
We need to be independent. That independence will get us through everything! Your spouse needs to know you can handle things on your own because when they leave, you will be doing it on your own. We take care of the bills, the house, the kids, go to school, work...etc. The list goes on. Basically, when your spouse deploys or goes on an unaccompanied tour, or off for training, you are on your own.
Communication is extremely important!! When your spouse is gone you may not get to talk to them on the phone much, but you can still send letters or emails. Even cute cards count. Now-a-days, many couples use yahoo, skype, msn or another instant messaging service. You've got to stay connected. Send care packages and pictures of yourself and the kids (if you have kids). Send a small teddy bear or a shirt in a zip-lock bag with your perfume on it. Little reminders of home help alot. If you are comfortable with it, you can also send "naughty" pictures as a pleasant surprise for your spouse. We must keep in mind that lack of communication does not mean there is a lack of love. Sometimes our spouses can't call us or get on IM. There could be many reasons why, but keep it coming from your end!
As with all marriages, there must be compromise and trust. I think that is pretty self-explanitory.
Faithfulness should be mentioned too. I'm not just talking about cheating physically. From what I have been reading lately, it seems that emotional affairs can be just as bad or even worse than physical cheating. Be careful of your friends of the opposite sex who are "just friends". It is easy to get caught up emotionally on both sides when you're separated from your spouse for long periods of time. An emotional affair is when you depend on someone else more than your partner. Here's some info on emotional affairs : Emotional Affairs 101.
There is more but I've run out of time for now. =)
Helpful books? =)
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