Involving the Chain of Command - When is it appropriate?

A recent post on my Facebook page for army wives promoted me to write this piece. Please remember that this is my personal opinion. Where there are facts I will put (fact) before the statement. 

There seems to be some disagreement among the "spouse community" as to when it's appropriate to involve a soldiers Chain of Command in their "personal affairs". I'm sure most people can agree that there are times when CoC involvement is needed, but when exactly are those times? 

First, I'll deal with the "cheating problem" -- (Fact - Adultery is a crime punishable under Article 134 of the UCMJ) - in the 12 1/2 years that I have been a military spouse, cheating seems to happen often, and everywhere. While adultery is against military law, in my personal opinion, getting the command involved is situational. For example: if your spouse cheats and you decide to stay and work it out, I see it pointless to involve the command. Or, if your spouse cheats and you decide to leave (with kids), I also find it pointless to involve the command. Why? THE CHILDREN. If you go to command with proof of adultery and they decide to take action against the soldier, he could lose rank and/or pay. That hurts the children in the long run when it comes to his financial obligation to them. Now, if the cheating co-exists with physical and verbal abuse, or the soldier is neglecting duties (like bills) at home as a result of the adulterous relationship, then I think the command should be involved. 

Next, I'd like to touch on abuse -- emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse, against the spouse and/or children. (Fact - Army Regulation 608-18 establishes the Army policy for handling domestic violence issues.)  This is a situation, in my personal opinion, where it is extremely important for the command to be notified! If a soldier is being abusive at home, there is obviously something "wrong" with them and they need help immediately. Not only for the sake of the spouse/kids, but for the sake of themselves as well. You can say "oh the spouse should just leave", but we all know that many times the abuser has broken them down so bad that they feel it's impossible to leave (especially without help). And say they do leave, who will the abuser turn his attention to next? The abuser needs help, along with his victims. 

There have been times where women have written into my Facebook page about physical abuse against them and their children at the hands of their spouse, the service member. They were afraid and confused and didn't know how to get out of a bad situation. Every single one of those times, I found the information I needed (sometimes with the help of a few trusted friends) to contact, and forward the message, to the soldiers command, or unit Chaplin. I know, I know... THE HORROR! How could I do that? Why didn't I mind my business?! Simple. They came to me for help. If I did nothing and later found out a spouse or child was killed, or injured so bad they were in the hospital, I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing I could've helped but done nothing. One woman wrote me back and thanked me. Her husbands command got to the root of the problem and he was getting the help he needed and they, as a family, were on the road to recovery. 

Lastly, alcohol and/or drug abuse, this includes prescription drugs. Now, let's be honest. Who honestly wants to work with someone who is abusing alcohol and drugs? Not only does that put the abuser at risk for accidents at work, but everyone around them. If a soldier is abusing a substance, the need to enroll in ASAP, The Army Substance Abuse Program. (Fact - AR 600-85 says the command must be involved). Alcohol and drug abuse combined with depression and PTSD (among other issues service members deal with) is a recipe for disaster. In my personal opinion, getting the Chain of Command involved isn't even an option, it's a must. I would rather my husband hate me for involving command in a serious issue than end up dead because I didn't try to help. That's just me though. 

I'm going to ask members of my fan page about reasons they think you SHOULD NOT involve a soldiers command. That will be my next post. 

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A Friend's Blog - "My Life: Then and Now"

I have this amazing friend who started writing a blog after the suggestion of a friend... she was having a hard time and was told that it would help her to get her feelings and thoughts out, even if it was to no one at all... holding things in, all bottled up, only creates more stress..

From my friend:

"A friend told me to start blogging about my life and how I overcame abuse, rape, and drug addiction while also being a soldier."

National Alcohol/Drug Addiction Recovery Month - Sept 2011

I like to try and bring some awareness to important things each month. I haven't done anything the past 2 months because nothing really caught my eye. I had several things to choose from this month - National Sickle Cell Month, Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, Children's Eye Health and Safety Month...and a few others... but this month I chose to go with...

National Alcohol/Drug Addiction Recovery Month - Sept 2011

There are a few reasons why I chose to bring awareness to this. *Personal moment coming up* -

My first reason for wanting to bring awareness to Alcohol/Drug Addiction Recovery is because my sisters dad was an alcoholic and did many drugs. I use to wish, for her sake, that he would get help and stay clean (he always relapsed). When on alcohol/drugs even the most nice people can become monsters... as did my sisters dad. When he was sober he would do anything in the world for you... he was a clean cut guy who would give his last dime to a man on the street. He loved my sister and I believe he loved my mom as well. We didn't know he had a hidden side...a darker side... finally he couldn't hide his addictions any longer and we saw the part of him that we never wanted to. Long story short, the night he died (out in the cold, with nothing but hospital scrub pants on, no shirt, no shoes, nothing) he was drunk.. he was on his way to kill my mother, according to eyewitnesses. Let me say again, he was on his way to kill my mother... while I'm sorry he lost his life and the chance to get clean and be a good man for his daughter, I think my sister is better off. Now, maybe if he the right people to help him and the right resources, he could have gotten clean... I know you can't get clean unless you want to, but I honestly believe he wanted to.... anyways../personal moment lol

My second reason for wanting to bring awareness to Alcohol/Drug Addiction Recovery is because of the military. Surprise surprise!! Who saw that coming? LOL - We all know that people have problems with alcohol/drugs for various reasons and even military members do... from my own eyes though, I have noticed it more among the military members (specifically army b/c that is what we're affiliated with) who have gone and come back from war. Some soldiers just can't deal with the things they have seen... they won't seek counseling because they think it will ruin their careeer, they will look weak, they are in denial...or whatever reason they come up with... so instead they turn to alcohol and drugs to cope. We all know that drugs doesn't just mean illegal drugs...

In an article I read while googling (I love google!!) I found out that drug abuse doubled among U.S. military personnel from 2002 to 2005 and almost tripled between 2005 and 2008. I wonder what the numbers are now?

I also read in that same article that "A study of Army soldiers screened 3 to 4 months after returning from deployment to Iraq showed that 27 percent met criteria for alcohol abuse and were at increased risk for related harmful behaviors (e.g., drinking and driving, using illicit drugs). And although soldiers frequently report alcohol concerns, few are referred to alcohol treatment. Research findings highlight the need to improve screening and access to care for alcohol-related problems among service members returning from combat deployments. Drug or alcohol use frequently accompanies mental health problems and was involved in 30 percent of the Army's suicide deaths from 2003 to 2009 and in more than 45 percent of non-fatal suicide attempts from 2005 to 2009." ((source))

This alone tells us that alcohol/drug addiction is a problem for some of our military members and they need help. It doesn't just affect them and their careers..it affects those who love them...especially those who live with them.

Getting help isn't easy, but it is the right thing to do. And I believe that if the ones we love have our support, getting help and recovering will be easier for them. Here are some links to point you in the right direction if you need them:

Recovery Month 2011 - great info!!
Army Substance Abuse Program - more great info!!
Army OneSource - great info and more links!!

The Recovery Month Color is purple so I've made this picture for *AWDIWH* for the month of Sept 2011.