Involving the Chain of Command - When is it appropriate?

A recent post on my Facebook page for army wives promoted me to write this piece. Please remember that this is my personal opinion. Where there are facts I will put (fact) before the statement. 

There seems to be some disagreement among the "spouse community" as to when it's appropriate to involve a soldiers Chain of Command in their "personal affairs". I'm sure most people can agree that there are times when CoC involvement is needed, but when exactly are those times? 

First, I'll deal with the "cheating problem" -- (Fact - Adultery is a crime punishable under Article 134 of the UCMJ) - in the 12 1/2 years that I have been a military spouse, cheating seems to happen often, and everywhere. While adultery is against military law, in my personal opinion, getting the command involved is situational. For example: if your spouse cheats and you decide to stay and work it out, I see it pointless to involve the command. Or, if your spouse cheats and you decide to leave (with kids), I also find it pointless to involve the command. Why? THE CHILDREN. If you go to command with proof of adultery and they decide to take action against the soldier, he could lose rank and/or pay. That hurts the children in the long run when it comes to his financial obligation to them. Now, if the cheating co-exists with physical and verbal abuse, or the soldier is neglecting duties (like bills) at home as a result of the adulterous relationship, then I think the command should be involved. 

Next, I'd like to touch on abuse -- emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse, against the spouse and/or children. (Fact - Army Regulation 608-18 establishes the Army policy for handling domestic violence issues.)  This is a situation, in my personal opinion, where it is extremely important for the command to be notified! If a soldier is being abusive at home, there is obviously something "wrong" with them and they need help immediately. Not only for the sake of the spouse/kids, but for the sake of themselves as well. You can say "oh the spouse should just leave", but we all know that many times the abuser has broken them down so bad that they feel it's impossible to leave (especially without help). And say they do leave, who will the abuser turn his attention to next? The abuser needs help, along with his victims. 

There have been times where women have written into my Facebook page about physical abuse against them and their children at the hands of their spouse, the service member. They were afraid and confused and didn't know how to get out of a bad situation. Every single one of those times, I found the information I needed (sometimes with the help of a few trusted friends) to contact, and forward the message, to the soldiers command, or unit Chaplin. I know, I know... THE HORROR! How could I do that? Why didn't I mind my business?! Simple. They came to me for help. If I did nothing and later found out a spouse or child was killed, or injured so bad they were in the hospital, I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing I could've helped but done nothing. One woman wrote me back and thanked me. Her husbands command got to the root of the problem and he was getting the help he needed and they, as a family, were on the road to recovery. 

Lastly, alcohol and/or drug abuse, this includes prescription drugs. Now, let's be honest. Who honestly wants to work with someone who is abusing alcohol and drugs? Not only does that put the abuser at risk for accidents at work, but everyone around them. If a soldier is abusing a substance, the need to enroll in ASAP, The Army Substance Abuse Program. (Fact - AR 600-85 says the command must be involved). Alcohol and drug abuse combined with depression and PTSD (among other issues service members deal with) is a recipe for disaster. In my personal opinion, getting the Chain of Command involved isn't even an option, it's a must. I would rather my husband hate me for involving command in a serious issue than end up dead because I didn't try to help. That's just me though. 

I'm going to ask members of my fan page about reasons they think you SHOULD NOT involve a soldiers command. That will be my next post. 

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Hair Cuttery’s "Share-a-Haircut Program" to Benefit Veterans

For the past 14 years - this being the 15th year - Hair Cuttery has been doing the "Share-a-Haircut" program to benefit many people. They have reached more than  900,000 children, and more than 100,000 homeless and domestic violence victims through haircut certificate donations -- valued at more than $13.5 million!

This November, Hair Cuttery is hoping to reach 25,000 Veterans! This year is Hair Cuttery's 40th Anniversary. In honor of that anniversary, they wish to expand their program to include Veterans.

"The Men and Women who have served our country have given so much, it is our honor to be able to give back to them. We hope in some small way we are able to help those who have sacrificed so much for our country."  ~Dennis Ratner, Founder & CEO of Hair Cuttery

University of Alaska ROTC - Thanks Julie!!

One of my friends on Facebook, Miss Julie VanHouten, works at the University of Alaska with the ROTC program. She is constantly posting about it and shows tremendous pride in the program!! After doing a little "research" I see why!

From the University of Alaska "about" section -

"The primary mission of the ROTC program at the University of Alaska is the development of Cadet into Army Leaders.

Army ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps)  is one of the best leadership courses in the country and is a part of our proud American heritage that has molded many fine young men and women serving the prestigious officer corps of the U.S. Army.

Rose Parade Float that honored Military Working Dogs & their Handlers!

I received the sweetest thing  in my email from "Natural Balance Pet Foods"! They brought to my attention a float that was in the Rose Parade on New Year's Day. This specific float honored military working dogs and their handlers.

From email - 
" The float itself featured a replica of "The Military Working Dog Teams National Monument", which will be located in San Antonio, TX this fall. This is the first time military dogs will be recognized with such a high honor! We are proud to be one of the companies who sponsored this important monument."

Our 1st Strong Bonds Marriage Retreat!

This past weekend we went on our first marriage retreat and I have to say I enjoyed myself sooooo much! The retreat was in Orlando, Fl at the Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort/Hotel. This place was amazing! It was so beautiful and there was so much to do that I didn't want to leave. As a matter of fact, Alexis asked if we could live there lol...

The "theme" of the retreat was "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", a seminar/book by Mark Gungor. I took notes because I wanted to make some posts on some of the things we were told, but at the end of the weekend we got the book, so now the blog posts I do on some of the topics discussed will be a bit more in depth..yay! I know some won't like what is said, but it is hard to hear the truth, right?

WTF Sergeant?

This morning, as I was walking my daughter to school like I do every morning, I witnessed what I can only assume was a woman on a power trip. My jaw kinda dropped a little bit and I refrained from saying anything because of the kids around.

Sometimes people will hear me complain about the idiot crossing guards at the school, but the female soldier who has been up there the past few weeks has been cool. Nothing to complain about from me. Well, as I was coming up on the crosswalk today, she stopped traffic, like she normally does, and let some parents and kids pass. I noticed as she was stopping the traffic there was a black vehicle that just kept inching it's way forward. The crossing guard sternly put her hand up in the "stop" manner.

Teddy's From The Troops - (Product Review)

 Teddy's From The Troops

"Teddy's From The Troops" was started last November by an Army Veteran/Army Wife, Pamela Larson. During her husbands third deployment she took some of her old uniforms and made a few bears for her 2 young children to help comfort them during the deployment. Pamela says her children immediately loved them and that is what gave her the idea to start making them for others to give to their children who are dealing with a military separation.

Mrs. Larson did research on different styles of bears and tested the finished products on her kids and with some of her friends. Her finding was that her bears helped bring some comfort to children who were going through a military separation from one of their parents. 

Proud Wife Moment!

Today I went to the WLC graduation to support my husband, just like the other spouses there. They were supporting their graduate - I was supporting my love,

Alexis had her 1st Heartbreak

Two nights ago I had to tell my daughter that my friends Mistie and Roy were unexpectedly moving. So that meant the triplets were leaving too. When it hit her that they were leaving and not coming back, she broke down. She cried for 45mins on my lap.

My new "Rank" Patches for my Purse - Thank You HollyBelle Bags!

Here is my first blog post about my "brag bag" and where I got it - ACU Bags & Wallets by HollyBelle Bags - in that post you will see more of what I got from Holly.

I contacted her a few months ago about getting a purple heart patch and star patch to match my bag. I wanted the star to go along with my "Rockstar" name tape and the heart just b/c I'm lovey =)

I'm now a Believer!! - *language warning*

People talk all the time how they come across these dramatic women in groups who take things to real life and such... I have not had that pleasure... until today.

There was a girl talking about some chick who wouldn't stop texting her and wouldn't leave her alone. She was basically talkin' crap and just wouldn't stop.

One Decade Down - several more to go!

Yesterday was our 10yr Wedding Anniversary. With my husbands work schedule we haven't had much time together and he left it up to me as to what I wanted to do. I didn't choose anything that would make you go "WOW".. lol... I chose it to be with my family, spending much needed time together. The hubs and I did a movie together and then we took the kids bowling. Went home and vegged out watching movies, snacking and having a few drinks. It was exactly what I needed.

Are YOU the Ultimate Fan?

If you're a military & sports fan, you should check this out! Have fun with it!!

AAFMAA sponsored the 2011 Army vs. Air Force football game and is now giving people a chance to prove their “fandom.”

Upload a photo of you, your friends, or your family in fan gear to UltimateFanChallenge.com, rally support from your friends, and compete for the Ultimate Fan Party Pack Prize:

•42” LCD HD TV
•$200 gift card to your local supermarket to stock up on food and drinks
•$100 gift card to deck yourself out in the best fan gear!

Enter at: http://www.ultimatefanchallenge.com

*In partnership with AAFMAA (Army and Air Force Mutual Aid Association)

Army Values...

While looking through one of my husbands books, I came across the army values...do you know what they are? Sadly, I think some soldiers don't even know what they are. I think if people practiced these in every aspect of their lives most would be much happier...these should be implemented in marriage too and sadly, a lot of times, they aren't.

Loyalty- Bear true faith and allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, the army, your unit, and other soldiers (generally speaking for those not in the service)

Duty- Fulfill your obligations

Respect- Treat people as they should be treated

Selfless service- Put the welfare of the nation, the army, and your subordinates before you own (adapt this to your life if not a service member)

Honor- Live up to all the army values (again, generally speaking if you're not in the service lol)

Integrity- Do what's right, legally and morally

Personal Courage- Face fear, danger, or adversity (physical or moral)


This is what service members are taught in BCT... now read them again... for those who think the army doesn't come first, or isn't suppose to, do you see why I say it does? lol

Army Organization -

The United States Army is made up of 2 parts: the active and reserve components. The Active Component consists of soldiers who are on full-time active duty. The Reserve Component consists of the Army National Guard and the Army Reserve. The Reserve Component receives military training and is ready to be called to active duty if necessary. Army units can be organized in several ways, but the following example is fairly typical:

**The SQUAD is the smallest unit, consisting of eight to ten soldiers. The Squad Leader is a Non-commissioned Officer (NCO).

**The PLATOON includes the Platoon Leader (2LT/1LT), Platoon Sergeant (SFC) and two or more Squads.

**The COMPANY includes the Company Commander (CPT), First Sergeant (1SG), a headquarters and two or more platoons.

**The BATTALION includes the Battalion Commander (LTC), his staff and headquarters, the Command Sergeant major (CSM) and approximately three to five companies.

**The BRIGADE includes the Brigade Commander (COL), command sergeant major, a headquarters and approximately three to six Battalions.

**The DIVISION structure is the capstone element of our Army. It includes three maneuver brigades (armor or infantry) as well as several combat support and service support brigades or battalions.



-from the soldiers handbook

Volunteering =)

I'm going to be looking into volunteering around post to help with my skills and such since I'm having a hard time finding a job. ((The only thing I regret about being a stay at home mom for so long.))

My first stop is registering with Army OneSource. (I already have an account but can't for the life of me remember it so I'm setting up a new one lol) Registration takes less then five minutes.

On the top right you will see "volunteer tool", I clicked on that on and now I see a map of the USA. There is a spot to click if you're already a volunteer, which I'm not, so I'll continue on and see what I need to do lol =) Okay, I guess I click on my state. ((Hang in there with me, we're doing a step by step to see what I find lol)) I'm going to click on Georgia! Hope I don't blow anything up!

I know see a list of "communities" for Georgia. Strolling to look for my area....
I see the volunteer coordinator and number and I click on that as well. It takes me to a page of "volunteer opportunities".

Now if I move my scroll bar down some I will see a list of opportunities to volunteer for!!! This was easy!!

If you're looking for a way to help and build your skills in your free time, this is a great way to do it!! Now, I'm going to look at the details of each one I see listed and see how I go about signing up!! Wish me luck!

And good luck to you to those who choose this as well!

Also check out my "Job Search" posts for helpful info:

Job Search ~ Part 1: Your skills
Job Search ~ Part 2: Opportunities
Job Search ~ Part 3: Your Resume/Job search letters

♥Friends♥

The more I think about what is important in this lifestyle...the army lifestyle... I think of my friends..Without them, I would go completely crazy!!

Yesterday I went to take Fran her "Penny the Pig" Scentsy Buddy and she wasn't home. So I texted her and found where she was and lovingly stalked her down at the PX lol... Fran is amazing.. I love that woman!! Fran will do anything she can for you and would give you her last dollar if you needed it. I actually came across Fran when I was hosting a jewelry party with my MIL and she wanted to order because she saw my event on facebook...I'm so glad she did b/c meeting her has brought joy to my life...

Today I spent some time with Staci... I went over around noon, thinking they would be up (they just came home from leave and were adjusting to the new time zone again and from driving hours and hours) but they weren't. I told Eddie I would come back but he said it was okay and to come in... Staci made coffee and it was so comforting to sit with my best buddy, drink coffee and fall back into our routine of when the guys were gone. They came over for dinner and we had some laughs and good food... I met Staci when our mutual friend Aimee asked me to help her when they first got to Stewart... I showed up on her doorstep the day the movers were there and she hasn't been able to get rid of me since! lol... a part of my heart will go with them to Carson when they leave in Sept... *wipes tear*

I also spent some time with Jennifer today!! Now that hookah is my homie!! LOL No, she really doesn't sell her ass, "Hookah" is just our pet name for each other lol... She came over tonight for dinner too, along with Staci, after she was done her meeting... she kinda had no choice to come over since I had her kids, bwahahaaa...lol.. She stayed for a bit and we laughed at the stupidest things.. Thank gosh she will still be here when Fran and Staci leave b/c I will need someone to let me cry on their shoulder... we will cry together...

I really don't know what my point is... I'm a bit tipsy, I can admit that.. I'm feeling kinda a lovey... I just know that without my friends my life would be very lonely!! Especially when Darrell is gone.. My friends complete me... and as Staci said earlier today, "they are friends I will have for life, no matter how far apart in distance we are, we will always be together"... So very true...

So, if you have friends who have made your army life a bit easier and who are now like family, let them know how much they mean to you.. tell them how special and blessed you feel to have had the chance to have them in your life... I will..

"A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more."
- Sent by Jasmine Fitzwilliam

Great Adventures

Our adventures in this army life began in 2002 when my husband went off to Kentucky for BCT. I just KNEW it was going to be a piece of cake because he was only going to be gone for a few months. It was easy at first, but I had two toddlers to keep my busy. I soon found out that nothing was going to be easy about this adventure and everything I thought I KNEW was wrong.

You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re so excited you think you might burst? I had that feeling, magnified by 100, when I finally got to see my husband graduate BCT. The first time I saw him I was completely shocked. He had always been athletic, but he changed so much from the high school boy I knew, physically and mentally. Watching him graduate and getting to hold him again was one of the best feelings every…. Until I had to leave him there for AIT. The morning we left, I cried in the van for 3 hours because I couldn’t stand to leave him there. Lesson one for me: My teddy bear is a great comfort when I want to cry like a blubbering idiot. He muffles my tears and says exactly what I need to hear, nothing.

I joined my husband at his first duty station and was excited to begin our new life. The apartment we had was small and a bit uncomfortable but we made due. It was better than what we came from. During my first few weeks in Kansas I met some wonderful ladies from a military outreach church. These ladies ended up being my strength when all I felt was weakness. My husband came home one day, a few months after me uprooting and leaving everything behind with two toddlers and moving half way across the country, to tell me some news. He broke to me that he was leaving for Iraq for a year. I was devastated because he was suppose to be going to NTC, not war. We knew it would come, just not so soon. Lesson two for me: Nothing in the Army is for certain and can change anytime. They don’t have to give you notice for anything. Having friends is a must!! In order to survive, we need some kind of support network.

Fast forward to nine years later, present day, I have been through many big and small adventures during my husbands time in the Army. We’ve now been through 4 deployments, one of which was 15months long. I’ve been trying to spread awareness about PTSD with the military, but over the years I’ve noticed that soldiers aren’t the only ones who can suffer mental problems from war. I’ve seen so many wives suffer from depression and other conditions. I was one of them but I refused to listen to my friends and get help. I finally caved and sought counseling one year and I’m so much better for it. If you need help, get it. I kept thinking, “he is strong enough for the both of us” but I was wrong. We both needed to be strong for eachother. Lesson three for me: We, the wives/girlfriends/fiancés, may be the backbone of our men when they are gone (and here), but we ARE NOT superwomen! We are strong! If you need help, seek it. Admitting you need help and seeking it, only makes you stronger, not weaker.

What lessons have you learned about yourself or life in general since living this great adventure? I have tons, but not enough space here to share.

We all need friends!

From Army Wife 101 on facebook-

"Question of the Day: How long did it take you to make friends at your current duty station?"

It didn't take me long at all once I moved on post. I had already know my friend Sharon off a group on myspace that we were in together. One day we started talking when I told her I would help her with her son until she found a permanent baby sitter. We became pretty close. She works a lot and her hubs is home now so I don't see her as much, but I love her to death still =)

I also met my bestie, Staci, through the internet, kinda. Our mutual friend Aimee (who I knew from the same group as Sharon) asked me if I would help her when she came to Stewart because it was their first duty station. Would I help? Of course!! I was there the day the movers were and I never left! LOL...

Mistie was also in the same group on myspace, so I knew her a little but finally met her in person here... sweet gal who will do anything for you if she can, but don't cross her!! Just know, I will always stay on Mistie's good side lol =)

I met Fran through facebook when I was doing a jewelry party and she wanted to come but couldn't. So she ordered anyway and we started talking. She is so good to me and I love that gal!!

Jennifer was found on facebook too lol... don't know if it was mutual friends or my army wives page, but she was stalking me...taking pictures with my car and being silly, before I actually met her! LOL...now we're cool, she is my homie and I supply her crack ((Scentsy)) hahaaa...

Then there is Dee, who is Staci's neighbor and another Jennifer (who left) that was Staci's neighbor...

I could go on, but I won't... I'm an outgoing person and I need friends, I hate being alone. I make sure I meet people so I'm never alone long! lol

PCS-ing ((Always fun, isn't it?))

For those who are new to Army lingo, PCS is "Permanent Change of Station". (for more acronyms, check out my previous post - Army Acronyms) Now that we have that out of the way...

As we all know, part of this military lifestyle is moving from place to place and whether it's your first PCS move or your 4th, it's still stressful! So many things to do in so little time, and it makes a difference if you are going to have the army move you or do a DITY move. ((A DITY move is when you move yourself and all your belongings.))

We have had the Army move us 5 times! We have never done a DITY move, for me, I'd rather not deal with it when someone else can do it for me. I'm just not that patient or organized, LOL.

Here are some helpful tips from personal experience and around the web =)

1. The first thing you should do is go to your transportation office and discuss your options, whether you're going to have the army move you or do it yourself. If the army is going to move you you will need to set up a time to have packers come and pack your things for you. The transportation office should help you with the information you need. You can probably also get help with information from your local ACS office AFTER speaking to transportation first.

2. One helpful thing to do may be to contact the family center at your new location. Family centers offer relocation assistance programs that provide moving information to you and your family. Ask questions, and learn about your new community and what it offers.

3. If you live on post, make sure you go to your housing office and follow the correct procedures for clearing your residence. Make sure you do everything the way they say or you could screwed out of money. We haven't had it happen to us personally but I have seen it happen to others. Simple mess ups too.

4. Personal tip from me: the day before the packers came I took everything we needed to keep with us (because we were driving to our new duty station) and put it into our downstairs closet and put on the door "DO NOT PACK". In the closet I had all our clothes we needed (about a week and half worth), my traveling books, things for the kids, a few pillows and a few throw blankets. I locked up my purse in my car to make sure that didn't get packed too. So basically, whatever you plan on keeping on you in person when you move, keep it somewhere the packers won't get it!

5. Personal tip from me: the amount of stuff you have depends on how long the packers will be there. Some people provide them with drinks (water, koolaid, soda) and lunch (pizza or subs) just as common courtesy. I find they are very appreciative of this and your things may be packed a little better ;) lol

6. Make sure your spouse applies for your DLA (dislocation allowance). The purpose of DLA is to partially reimburse you for the expenses incurred in relocating the household on a PCS move. Personal note from me: if you can afford to, save a little money each month towards a "moving fund" to help. You may not need it though since you will have your DLA and you'll be getting your BAH. Here is a link to the DLA rates effective Jan. 1, 2011 - PRIMARY DLA RATES 1.4%-*(Effective 1 January 2011)

Here are 2 helpful links... one is a PCS checklist through Military.com and another is info on PCS-ing when someone in your family has special needs or is EFMP:

PCS Checklists for Your Move

Tips for PCS moves when you have special needs. (PDF)

There is a lot of information on Military OneSource about moving too - Making your next move easier.

Hope this helps some =)