Sunday, May 12, 2013

The "I have it harder than you" Card -- really?

I received an inbox on my army wives fan page ( *Army Wives Do It With Hooah* ) from someone who is OBVIOUSLY just trying to twist some panties. So, instead of posting it directly on my page, like I normally do, I decided to address it here and then let others give their input.

Here is the message:

I have a few questions of my own for "Tony" -- How do you know how ALL female spouses with newborns act when their S/O is deployed? Do you know ALL female spouses or are you just going off of the typical bashing you see and participate in on the many FB pages designed to put spouses down? What exactly are YOU looking for with this inbox? Are you looking for sympathy b/c you're a disabled vet? Are you looking for a pat on the back b/c you have done all this yourself? Well, let me give it to you..

First and foremost, thank you for your service. I'm sorry to hear that you're a disabled vet, and I honestly mean that from the bottom of my heart. I applaud you for accomplishing all that you have when there are so many others who wouldn't have been strong enough to do so.. but...

What's easy for you, may not be easy for others. EVERYONE handles situations differently. There are a lot of female spouses who have multiple kids under the age of 5 and work and go to school.. and I'm sure some are disabled vets like you. What would you say to those, who are in your similar circumstance, who don't think it's easy?

Even for those who only have one child, we'll say a newborn since that's what you brought up, you don't know if it's easy for them. You don't know if they suffer from PPD (post-partum depression), or something else. Maybe they have medical problems that they deal with..maybe the child has medical problems.. maybe they become depressed and feel their world crashing around them b/c they find out their deployed spouse cheated on them.. maybe, just maybe, not everyone has your resiliency..

Why do people always have to play the "I have it harder than you" card? or the "I'm better than you" card? Everyone goes through different things and everyone needs to remember that things are not always as they seem...


  1. You used the key word "resiliency." I know that the first time my husband deployed, I lamented how hard I had it. Now, after three deployments, I have learned how to cope and how to deal with issues that arise while a spouse is away from home. Not everyone deals with situations the same and no two experiences are exactly alike!