Thursday, December 8, 2011

The "Do's" & "Don'ts" of being a Military Spouse - from the gals on *AWDIWH*

I asked the ladies on my page to share their "do's" & "don'ts" and here is what they said: (in no particular order, just the order the gals posted in)(Note: some may not be posted b/c of repeats)

*Do support your husband as much as you can. DON'T listen to anything they say about dates. Meaning don't plan a thing.

*Do be proud of him, his job, and his service, but don't wear his rank.

*Stay away from the NEGATIVE NANCY!!

*Don't get caught up in post or neighborhood drama...just not worth it. Do have an open mind when meeting new people!

*Do love and HONOR him, don't ever leave them behind!

*DO stand by your soldier... DON'T try to do his job for him.

*Do take advantage of what privileges and benefits you are given as the family of a military service member, and be grateful with what you get. But don't feel or act like you're entitled to more, or anything as a matter of fact, just because you are married to someone in the military. The military doesn't owe you anything. It's already giving you a lot.

*Get involved in your community and FRG. Don't believe all the rumors you hear about FRGs. An FRG is what you make it.

*Educate yourself about the army. Take AFTB classes and other classes your post offers.

*Don't act like the second you get married, that you know all there is to know about being an Army wife. I have been married coming up on 14 years, and I STILL learn new things.

*Do not go to his chain of command about every little thing, and don't air your personal business to them. Unless it is truly important to your husbands career his health or the mission, just don't do it.

*DO put on your big girl panties and deal with what military life throws at you... DON'T whine and complain and bitch because things don't always go your way... you don't make the decisions, your husband doesn't make the decisions, the Army (or Navy, or Marines, etc.) make the decisions and your job is to support your husband's career choice and just go with the flow.

*Do ALWAYS pray for all of our servicemen. Do NOT make his career about you. Not saying you aren't important but he needs moral support at all times. Do make coming home easy for him. Do NOT make him fight you too, in the home. His professional life consists of being guarded and fighting.

*Don't: get upset when your husbands cell phone goes off all the time and during the middle of a conversation. HE HAS TO ANSWER IT. Lower enlisted get less calls and are not as busy as NCO's but they still get a lot of calls. Get used to it, your husband is the one who has to take the calls and carry his phone like another appendage.

*Do:Let your husband play his video games (if that's what hes into) I understand they can spend a lot of time on them. But for a man its a huge stress relief and stimulant. They need something to stimulate them other than the high stress demands of work. This "Do" applies to anything your husband might do to much as a hobby or entertainment. Communicate, compromise about having more us time and still allow him his time. But don't complain so much and get over it. They fight for our freedom and spend 12 months or more in a desert. LET THEM HAVE THEIR VIDEO GAMES!

*Live LOVE Laugh LEARN.

*Get to know other wives that have been around the army for a few years. You can learn something new...and if you are a "SR" wife.. Help the younger ones. Don't walk away from just because they are new to all this. You where there at one point.

*BIG ONE!! Never write addresses in pen!!

*Nothing is set in stone. Even after it happens...Don't plan things too far ahead, plans change on a dime.

*Do handle yourself like a classy woman regardless of the situation.

*Just be his wife. Plain and simple. And know that its OK to need him to be there for you as much as your there for him.

*Do what you can to make friends! Don't listen to other people when they say don't get involved with frg etc. Just because it didn't work for them doesn't mean it's not going to work for you! You could meet your best friend at a military function.

*Don't be a huge pain in the ass on a regular basis to your husband and his COC. Its not cute, people do not like you.

*Don't take your time together for granted. And be grateful he has a job...things could always be worse.

If you have more to add, leave a comment!

Here is the post these came from - Click Here to see the Post on my FB page!


  1. Do ask him for help, sometimes, you CAN'T handle EVERYTHING, and even if he's got a stressful job, you do too and he needs to recognize that, but DON'T nag, it will push him away.

  2. Do remember yourself in all of this shuffle. It is easy to put yourself on the back burner when dealing with husband, and children. Remember, a little me time (even if its just soaking in a tub uninterrupted) goes a long, long way.

  3. Try to remember not to blame him when you have plans and he gets called into work for something. It's not his fault, and chances are he doesn't want to go in either.

    Do tell him as many times as you can that you love him and that you're gonna stand by him. Sometimes they think you're going to get way to overwhelmed with this life.

  4. This kind of sounds like "don't get mad at anything, don't argue with him, let him do what he wants". I'm sure we aren't Stepford wives here. I mean I love my husband til death, but I'm not going to let myself go crazy, by not talking about things that might upset him temporarily.
    Sorry if I misinterpreted this, but wives are people too, and while we don't put our lives on the line, it doesn't mean we get to be waiting on others hand and foot. -_-

  5. Don't let him use his service as a way of getting away with murder. Yes being deployed is hard but that doesn't give him a free pass to be a dick head.

  6. About the video games... If mine is playing them and neglecting his job and a husband and father... Then there is something wrong. If my man needs stimulated and a stress release... I'm more than happy to "help" him.

  7. I agree with the last poster about the video games. I'm NOT ok with him playing them, and then yelling at our 2 year old when she gets too loud for him to hear his stupid game. No way in hades.

  8. yeah no vid games here. I need my husband to actually be present when hes home stressful job or not. I wanna enjoy our time together and spending large amounts of time in front of the TV zoning out is not joyful. But the rest of your list is pretty spot on ;0

  9. Do be apart in everything he does with the Va, because it is very stressful. Always have a POA even the solider leaves the military. make sure you have a calender for just there appointments. and if they dont follow drs order

    DO tell the Dr. Dont just stand by and let them melt down and say nothing is wrong. also keep a detailed calendar of sex drive and such.

  10. Also I dont understand why would you replace Your 1st best friend? That I just dont get and a person can only have 1 best friend not several. Then why even have friends at all. Because if you have more then one you will have to share the secrets to each one of them. So with the Frg and meeting new people is not always a good thing.

    1. No one is saying you need to REPLACE any friends... I think you took that completely wrong.. and meeting new people is always good IMO.. no matter where you are, you NEED some kind of support network..that doesn't mean you have to share all your secrets with them.. that person was just saying that you could meet your best friend there..

  11. My addition - DO find a few trusted girlfriends that you can vent to about his job/the military in general. That way, you blow off steam without taking it out on your husband. :-)