Thursday, October 11, 2012

Twisted Panties, Oh My!

The other day I post a vent that was sent into my inbox on my fan page, *Army WIves Do It With Hooah*. This vent caused somewhat of an uproar. I said I agreed with some of it and disagreed with some of it, but I didn't really comment on it at the time because I was on my phone and didn't feel like typing it all out that way. So, I'll address it now. I'll also say now that when I say "you", I'm not addressing the person specifically who wrote this vent. I'm addressing everyone who feels that way lol it's generally speaking.

Here was the vent:

"I really just have a vent.

Okay. I realize that when you marry somebody in the military, or your husband joins, you get a dependent ID card, but that DOES NOT make you military. YOU didn't sign the paperwork, YOUR kids didn't sign the paperwork, he did(or wife in some cases). I am SO tired of hearing, "Civilians just don't understand what its like to be military". Last I checked, My husband just joined the army, not me, I AM a civilian, and so is our daughter. I didn't sign ANYTHING, my husband did.

I also hate the saying, "Being a military wife is the hardest job in the military."

NO, it is NOT. It is NOT a job, and it is NOT a job in the military, and it is NOT the hardest. I would MUCH rather have a problem at home being his wife, then being shot at in a war zone on a daily basis.

You're married to HIM, NOT the Army/navy/AF what ever branch hes in.

End rant."
Okay.. Let me start by saying that I understand where this girl is coming from, but I think she is honestly just buying into all the stereotypical hype that floats around the internet, on bases and posts and between the gossip queens. I also think that people take things way tooooo literally.
True, I didn't sign the papers to join the military, my husband did, BUT let's touch on this - "I'm so tired of hearing 'Civilians just don't understand what it's like to be military.'" - Did you ever stop to think that maybe by saying "military" with that they mean the "military lifestyle". No where in that statement do I see someone claiming to actually be IN the military. I actually agree with the statement. Honestly, people who have NO CLUE what the "military lifestyle" is like won't understand. I have said a few times "we're military" and I clarify that my husband is the service member. When I say that, it doesn't mean I think I'm literally IN the military... I mean that I'm a part of the "military lifestyle"..the "military family". I have been to at least 6 deployment briefings over 10yrs and at EVERY SINGLE ONE the Commanders who speak have told the spouses they are a part of the military. I'm sure the Commanders know the spouses didn't sign the papers.
 The vent said - "Last time I checked, my husband just joined the army, not me." - Now, I don't know if you are saying "just" as in only him, or "just" as in recently. If it's the latter, I'm going to assume some of your attitude will change in time if he makes a career out of the military. If he recently joined, I'm going to assume you have yet to really experience anything in this lifestyle. 
 I do agree that I can't stand the saying "Being a military wife is the toughest job in the military". IMO, it isn't. I have written a post on that previously so I'll link it instead of repeating myself - Army Wife/GF is NOT the Toughest Job in the Army
And then there is the dispute that it is even a "job". Does it matter if people say it's "job"? Maybe they say it's a "job" because it's a lot work. And it is. Anyone who has been a military spouse for a significant amount knows it's a lot of work. Hell, just marriage is a lot work! Doesn't matter what the occupation of the spouses are lol. Who cares if someone refers to it as a "job"? Is it affecting you personally? If it is, you have bigger issues then thinking it isn't a "job" lol. 
Now I want to comment on a few of the comments in that vent thread... Here are some comments, or bits of comments. My response will be in italics.
" I agree with what you're saying but just to clarify you are no longer a civilian when you're married to someone in the military! You are a military dependent!" - I have to kinda agree with this. While I know we're civilians, we're also military dependents. If we were just "regular" civilians, what we, as military dependents, do, wouldn't affect our service member. And don't try to tell me that what you do doesn't affect your service member because it does. Point blank. I've seen it plenty of times.
"Being a military wife isn't a Job it's a privilege" - Totally disagree lol I don't really think it's a job, but it is definitely not a privilege. Driving is a privilege. My teenage son having a phone is a privilege. My daughter being able to stay over her friends house is a privilege. Being married to ANYONE, military member or not, is not a privilege.
" Being a military wife and having gone through deployments, yes, it is the hardest thing I have ever done!" - I bet this kind of statement is what gets people all "OMG IT"S NOT THE TOUGHEST JOB IN THE MILITARY"... lol you know how people like to read what they want and not actually pay attention to what it means. This woman is saying this is the hardest thing SHE has had to go through..herself.. she is not saying she has it harder than those in the service. I can relate. My husbands first deployment was the hardest thing I ever had to go through too, up until my mom passed away. It was the hardest thing he ever had to go through. We both had it hard, but didn't compare who had it worse. 
And lastly.. 
 "You must not be a true military wife. A military wife does the following
1. has the children, actually raises them by her self
2. cleans and run the house
3. sets up appts for kids and husband
4. has to put on a smile for everyone and be a role model for the new comers
5. if husband pass away she still has to go on doing the above and work if they think they have to"
Huh? (1) My husband has been in for 10yrs and not once have I raised our kids by myself. When he has been deployed, he was still a part of raising them. He supported financially and we still made decisions together when it concerned them. He may not have been here physically, but he was always here, because I made sure of it. If anyone feels like they are raising kids by themselves in this lifestyle it's because they make it that way. Not because that's "just the way it is". (2) I know soldiers who help run the home and do housework. So does it mean that b/c the wife doesn't do it all herself that she isn't a "true" military wife? lol No, I disagree. (3) I don't make my husbands appts, he does. Of course I make my kids doctors appts, I'm their mother. I would do that if I weren't a military spouse. (4) Even if my husband wasn't in the military, I would put on a smile and do my best and be a role model for others. It's just what I do. It has nothing to do with being a military spouse. (5) Technically, if your spouse passes away, you're no longer a military wife. You're a widow. And you do what you have to do to take care of you and yours. That's what people do when their spouse dies, military or not. None of this, IMO make someone a "true" military wife.
 So, there's my "two cents" on it all. Hope you were as entertained as I was =)


  1. I so agree!! I only have to laugh when they go on and have their panties in a bunch over, "We are PCSing". Well the last time I looked, we are moving and we are moving to where the Army sends us just like any other job. Their response to that is.. you don't have to move!" REALLY??

    We are married so guess what, we move together and the last time I looked I was listed on his orders and the Army reimburses for my travel.

    1. LOL yes!! I do have to move.. when you're married, unless there is a good and valid reason not to go with your spouse, you go. People just need to stop taking things so literally and personally. And that's a good point lol you're on the orders and they reimburse for the whole move, including you lol