Friday, December 17, 2010

When I felt Overwhelmed (The Art of Caring)

The journal entry says:

"Think back to a time you felt overwhelmed or exhausted, most likely you lost compassion for yourself and others. Most of us do when we feel too tired or too overwhelmed. Most likely it wasn't your proudest moment and you might not want to think back to that time...but try. As you write about feeling overwhelmed, describe what happened."

One of my overwhelming moments happened over 2yrs ago and it was something that had building over time, yet I didn't know it. When I "hit bottom" it definitely wasn't my proudest moment, however I don't mind thinking back b/c I'm grateful it happened, even if it is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

My husband was on his third deployment and I was tired. Tired of everything...the housework, the dog, the kids, cooking, friends.... just life in general. Our house just feel apart. I didn't clean or care to. My kids were the only thing I took time to force myself to handle and I did that half-assed. You know how some houses you can tell they have a dog b/c of the smell? Well, that was my house. (For the record, I had never ever been like this before!)

So, I knew something was wrong with me... my neighbor and some others could tell too. I was sad all the time, no energy, wanted to sleep constantly, and cared for nothing. We all assumed I was depressed but I looked at that as a sign of weakness and didn't want to seek help. Soon I kinda had no other choice but to get help. I was getting worse and everything seemed to crumbling on me. I was definitely feeling overwhelmed.

I called Military OneSource (1.800.342.9647) and I got myself set up with counseling. The woman I went to said I had all the signs of being depressed and on the extreme side. Since she couldn't prescribe me anything, she sent me to my regular doctor to get put on depression medication. I kind of felt stupid about it until I realized depression is a chemical imbalance the medication helps you get your "balance" back. And with continued therapy you can be helped a lot.

I went to my regular doctor and prescribed me something but he also took one look at me and told me he was running bloodwork ASAP! I was just like, "okay, whatever". Two days later my doctor called me and told me he needed me in office right away. Apparently, my thyroid had totally shut down on me. No wonder I was tired and sleeping all the time... most times, people confuse thyroid problems with depression. My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was so high that my doctor was surprised I wasn't in a coma. My doctor got me started on a low dose of thyroid medication so my body didn't go into shock right away and gradually upped my dosage. We are still working on the correct dosage for me, lol. I feel much better now.

So, while it is embarrassing that my house was like that and I didn't care about myself or my kids or anyone, I am not ashamed b/c it couldn't be helped. I had no idea something was medically wrong with me. I am so glad I had that overwhelming moment b/c now my life is saved.

For more info on hypothyroidism check out:


REF*The Art of Caring*

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