Wednesday, December 15, 2010

When I had to say Goodbye (The Art of Caring)

The journal entry says:

"Think back to the last moments together before your loved one left for deployment and write a brief reflection about what it was like to say goodbye.

Well, this was our fourth deployment and I could feel the strain before he even left. That night he was leaving a little late so we all (him, I and the kids) went out to dinner. The time just seemed to be slowly going by and my stomach was in knots. I barely wanted to eat anything but I did as to not alarm him of myself falling apart. After dinner we went back home and chilled for a little bit.

When it came time to take him to the company, my head hurt, my stomach hurt and my heart hurt.... I didn't want to see him leaving again. I felt like it was so unfair that they were sending him back to that hell hole for the fourth time!! BUT....duty calls and I had to let him go. The kids and I didn't stay and wait with him long b/c he knows I get upset easy and he didn't want to see it. He said he had to get in his game, so to speak, and my emotional break down would not help him any. Since it was late and the kids needed to be in bed, we said our good byes in the parking lot at the company where everyone was dropping off their bags. I got my last hug and tried to hold on as long as I could, until he had to pry me off him and tell me to stop being soft. He said his good byes to the kids and we left him there. We drove home in silence...all except for my sobbing.

What he doesn't know is how I cried myself to sleep that night. Not for fear of what might happen to him over there b/c it's a give-in I was worried about that, but for fear of what was going to happen with us. Four deployments in 8 yrs is a lot. We have been changing and growing each year and missing out on it. He's a different person when he comes home and so I am. Maybe not different in major ways, but it's all the little things that add up. Some couples don't make it through one deployment and here was our fourth. I was scared. He is home now and only been home a little under a week and I'm still scared for us.


REF*The Art of Caring*

No comments:

Post a Comment